Wow! What a conundrum. The Stazzo lu Chiaccura almost fulfilled my lifetime search for the perfect Hotel. I say ‘almost’ because it ticked all the boxes before we came and whilst it didn’t disappoint, I just couldn’t excuse some basic issues preventing ‘perfection’.
OK, so the Hotel boasts ‘quiet, relaxed and peaceful’ and certainly the location is quiet. Set in around 80 acres of ancient Olive Grove and miles from a main road – make that miles from anywhere – It certainly ticks that box.
The grounds are not maintained, they are manicured to perfection. Important to note is that the Accommodation, Restaurant and Bar are well spread out, taking ample advantage of historic buildings, however the site is hilly with many slopes, steps and stairs everywhere and is not Disabled friendly.
The rooms are an unusual mix of modern minimalism and The Flintstones. Odd yes, but it works because of the Designer Shower and Bathroom fittings, not to mention the discrete lighting, which was, if I am honest a little confusing. On that point, it would have been great if someone had explained that the Drapes were electric rather than manual. Until we realised, drawing the curtains was a wrestling match!!
Through circumstance we opted for the ‘Spa Suite’, which came with an in-room Sauna and a private outdoor Heated Swimming Pool. First rate, except at £1,000 a night, don’t expect clean sheets every day! No, if you want clean sheets, you will get them, but only if you demand.
The Room had a Coffee machine, but you only get 4 ‘Pods’ a day. Again, you have to beg for more.
Bliss to have a Private Pool and this Suite has a large ‘L’ shaped Pool at that, but despite £1,000 a day, it’s £5 a day extra for Pool Towels.
Methinks the Bean Counters have been to work and frankly the Pennies they will be saving, colours the perfection.
And so to the ‘Conundrum’. Whilst vaunting ‘Peace’ and ‘Silence’, the Hotel actively invites children. Please don’t get me wrong as I have 6 children of my own and 7 grandchildren and I love them all. I take them all on holiday once a year at least. However, when I holiday as a couple with my wife, I don’t want to be ‘entertained’ by other people’s children. Sorry. Not Sorry.
I’m afraid small children have a Volume Control with just 2 Settings :- Loud and Screaming. They can’t help it. Plus, at this Hotel there is NOTHING for them to do except the Communal Pool. Thus, they get bored very easily and their parents have their faces in their phones and so the children find other amusements.
Forgive me, but in my Lexicon, Peace & Quiet and Children are mutually exclusive. It doesn’t work!
Now fortunately, we had a Private Pool, but had we not and had we paid £600 a night for a regular Room which shared the Communal Pool, I would have been vexed. Can you imagine a couple seeking Peace and Quiet whilst having shrieking children running between their loungers? Sorry, but the management have lost the plot in this regard.
So, if you come to Stazzo, go the extra mile and get a ‘Couples’ Suite with a Private Pool and you will get your Peace and sleep. It’s worth the difference.
So, to the Food. The evening Food is expensive, but superb. A meal for 2 with drinks will cost you £200. But, it is a dining experience. So good we ate in the restaurant 4 times and it was varied and faultless.
However, despite the high tab for the meal, expect a family with a 2 year-old and another [shrieking] in a pushchair to be seated at a table next to yours! Not exactly romantic. Amazingly, the pompous Maitre d’ did not have the nous to site children away from couples!
On this matter, the waitresses often out-numbered the Diners [offput by the cost?] and were superb. During the 9 times I ate in the Restaurant the Maitre d’ did not ONCE ask me “Is everything OK?” - Management please note. Vittoria would make a better replacement than the present Maitre d’.
The Lunchtime menu is limited and boring, but eatable - £20 for a Club Sandwich.
The included Breakfast is a disaster and you WILL be disappointed. They offer an ‘English’ Breakfast, but the Breakfast Chef is lazy and WILL NOT cook to order. He arrives before service [at 8 a.m.] and cooks the eggs, bacon, sausage and mushrooms and then puts them under heat lamps, so all he has to do is slide items from a tray onto a plate. The result is barely edible. Eggs with solid yolks, Mushrooms dried to shoe leather and the Sausage made me want to puke. Plus, it was all COLD!!
Such a shame.
I so wanted to find somewhere that ticked all the boxes, so I could return again and again.
So, would I return? Oddly yes, but the Owner would have to re-think the marketing and go ‘Adults Only’ first and seriously if she did, I’d be happy to pay more per Room to ensure the Hotel provided it’s USP – Peace and Quiet.
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