We just came back from a five day stay at the St Regis Bahia Beach over the New Years, and this was one of the most disappointing holiday trips ever. What is a difference between a three star resort and a five star resort? Consistency! Here, be prepared for the full spectrum, because you’ll never know what you’re going to get.
First, the good - rooms were amazing, well appointed, functional and comfortable. Housekeeping staff was quick and attentive - thank you!
New Year’s party was fun.
That’s about it. Now the bad.
Pool. Despite being gorgeously designed and cascading, it is NOT heated and therefore, not usable for anyone but Olympic long distance swimmers, who, by the way, would not be able to do laps due to the cascading nature of the said pool. With outside temperature in the 80s, the water was just too damn cold! It also does not have kids or adults only areas, which means the sweet little munchkins are spread around the entirety of the pool area, and given the cold water temperatures, this does not contribute to a relaxing atmosphere for everyone else. The pool service staff was great and attentive, but there isn’t much they can do to compensate for the design deficiencies. There’s exactly ONE hot tub, but see my point above about children and the unheated pool and you can imagine what going there was like. Cabanas take up prime real estate and despite a near full occupancy of the hotel were 90% unoccupied. What a literal waste of space, but at $450/ day, I can’t see any good reasons to use them. Just like at any five star resort, you have to get up at an ungodly hour to “reserve” pool chairs, otherwise you’d be stuck staring at a bathroom wall. Don’t get me started.
Beach. if you’ve ever been at a bustling middle eastern bazaar or better yet a bus station, this is what the St Regis beach felt like. Despite gorgeous location and literally NO neighbors on either side, all of the beach chairs (that have seen better days) were cramped in one area, one on top of the other, centered around the beach bar that had so much traffic from service staff that made it feel like you’re trying to enjoy the ocean views while laying in a middle of a restaurant. It also had a lot of garbage and debris from the ocean and looked like it hasn’t been raked / cleaned in a while. Maybe OK for a hole in a wall surfers beach in an up and coming area, but for a five star resort, it does not cut it. Full stop.
Food and restaurants. This deserves a separate review, but I’ll include it here. Breakfast. I’ve had better breakfast buffets at three star airport attached Marriotts. This a tropical island for crying out loud, yet the food looked like what you’d expect in February in the midwest. Melons and honeydews were unripened, so were the watermelons. Dragon fruit and berries were a nice touch, but where are bananas, mangoes, papayas, passion fruit? Where are the local dishes? Surely there are things that grow in Puerto Rico that don’t require to be flown in? Omelets were tasteless, deserts and sweets underwhelming, and I can buy better bread at Costco any day. I get that you have to offer buffets, but this is a disaster. Literally everything, the restaurants layout, the food choices, etc. Staff was trying to be helpful, and the coffee was delicious, so I’ll give them credit for that.
Lunch. We had lunch at the pool restaurant, and while nothing special, it was good. Staff was always helpful and attentive. I would expect a lot more of seafood choices, catches of the day, etc., but I guess they just can’t make it work. They had a pizza oven that was OK, and the burgers looked good. Deserts there were good.
Dinner. As was written by many reviewers before, this whole part of the experience is a disaster. The main restaurant - Paros, is an example of how to charge the most amount of money for the least tasty food and the most inconsistent service. Half the staff there looked lost. The dishes were bland and uninteresting, although I do have to call out Brussels sprouts side dish which was good. This was by far the most uncoordinated dining experience we’ve ever had at a place that charges Michelin-star prices. Case in point, we ordered an extra appetizer (nothing special, just what they had on the menu). It took 30 minutes to get, by which time we were done with our meal, and our plates and silverware were taken away. Then the appetizer came, we have no plates or silverware, the waitress slapped in on the table in front of us and barked “there’s nothing to laugh about” when we tried to lighten up the situation.
Lastly, their dinner reservation system is just puzzling. We played by the rules, made reservations, and always showed up at our designated time. Two out of five times, the hostess could not find our reservation, was clearly stressing out, rechecked our room number and last name multiple times and had to call in to check with someone. We were eventually seated, many times without a choice of the table (“sorry you cannot have those tables, they were specifically reserved”) - how do I “specifically” reserve a table?
Bottom line, this may be an OK weekend getaway place if you keep your expectations low.
There were not short staffed - there were plenty of employees, but overall it was an out of tune orchestra. If it was a performance, we’d leave half way. Definitely not coming back.
US