Earnside Cottage - Charming River Views

Not enough space for truth so putting it here, PART 1 OF TRUTH AND SUFFERING: This is the most revolting accommodation I have ever stayed in. The house was NOT cleaned when we checked in. Trash from the previous tenant was littered in every bin across the house, the towels were haphazardly discarded in each of the baths, and debris was scattered across the entire house like some sort of decrepit third world war zone. The cleaner came after over an hour of feuding with customer support on the phone, and she was in and out in 20 minutes. We sat in the garden not wanting to make her uncomfortable, but we clearly should’ve hovered over her like some scrying eye. After an examination of the sloppy work she had done—and being appalled by the dirty floors—I then proceeded to spend the next three hours of my life mopping, cleaning the counters, and vacuuming with the hoover that has a weaker suction power than a human mouth. There was literal dog(?) faeces in the garden that we had to pick up, but going off the rest of the bloody house, I couldn’t be sure if it wasn’t human excrement. When I finally opened my bed sheets (relieved at the thought of some rest after that ordeal), there were literal blood stains splattered all over them. My bed sheets were NOT replaced with clean ones at ALL. I called the unfortunate customer support worker, who then casually informed me that the same complaint was made last week about the SAME cleaner—and, of course, nothing was done about it. I talked to customer support more than my family during my stay here. I hope management is happy sleeping in his bed free of lice right now, because there is no such happy fate awaiting him in the afterlife if divine punishment exists.

PART 2 OF TRUTH AND SUFFERING: I called the next day asking if they could at least send the cleaner to drop off clean linen. The customer service agent, in her infinite wisdom, asked me to check every single room in case it was lying around (because obviously I chose to sleep in a blood-stained bed for fun). After several rounds of useless suggestions, she finally hinted there might be a locked cupboard with clean linen, dropping clues like I had signed up for an escape room. At that point, I gave up — she can win the escape room, congrats. But my rash begged me to continue, so I scoured the cottage, found a key hidden in a desk drawer, which led me to three more keys, and eventually discovered the one that unlocked the cupboard. Inside — hallelujah — an oasis of clean linen. I remade the beds with CLEAN LINEN, NO BLOOD, NO STAINS, all BY MYSELF. No cleaner, no help, just me running a one-woman housekeeping service on what was supposed to be my holiday. PS. Cleaner, if you are reading this, please feel free to reach out if you need cleaning lessons. PPS. In case you are curious, the agent’s “hints” weren’t even right. Finally, when I thought I could relax, a man randomly appeared in our supposedly private back garden and started cutting the grass without warning. Nothing says “relaxing holiday” like an unannounced man with machinery appearing outside your bedroom window. We felt unsafe and disturbed by this invasion of privacy, though to be fair, the gardener displayed more dedication to his work than both the cleaner and the management combined. Overall, I spent more time arguing with the agency than I did speaking with my family or enjoying my holiday. I left with a rash from the bedsheets, currently dosing myself with steroid cream, and still simmering with rage. At this point, the rash is the least of my irritations.

This was a comfortable spacious place for family relatives and myself to stay

Everything was acceptable and we had no complaints

Great location,very quiet and most of all spacious with plenty room for family. The house is modern,well equipped and has a large garden to the rear. Everything you need is available.

Leaving . No negatives.

Full house for ourself, plenty of space, fully equipped kitchen, allocated parking, groceries and cafes nearby, excellent wifi, LED TV, three bathrooms, two living rooms, river facing rooms

Nothing!

Spacious and comfortable

Smoke alarm kept bleeping.