From the highs of delicious dining to the lows of a sun-bed scramble, our stay at the Playacar Palace was a roller-coaster ride of Mexican mayhem. The hotel’s extremely welcome free shuttle from Cancun Airport to Playacar plus an efficient and speedy check-in resulted in a seamless arrival in our Superior Deluxe Ocean view room. Exactly as described on the tin, it was clean and spacious, albeit a little tired in places. We were also introduced to a ‘personal’ concierge ahead of the following morning’s post-breakfast meeting. Meanwhile, despite not having made a reservation, we managed to secure a walk-in, first-night table for two in the Trattoria restaurant which had a good, tasty choice of Italian staples. Declining to go off-piste on the expensive-looking wine list loaded onto the server’s iPad, we stuck to the all-inclusive and palatable house selection. Jet-lagged, an early awakening sadly revealed that the long, wide, sandy beachfront as depicted in multiple brochures and the hotel’s own website has long been surrendered to the sea. With seasonal seaweed also washing onto what minimal shoreline there is, it soon became apparent that just like the fabled Germans in Spain, present-day Americans sadly have absolutely no shame in rising at dawn to annexe sun-beds with their towels. A recent national trait - See it. Take it. Sound familiar? Prime spots were also reserved for the Palace Resorts’ high-rollers but more about these big-hitting burritos later. The tasty daily buffet breakfast at Café Del Mar featured a wide selection of just about everything complete with Mexican specialities, bespoke juice bar and egg-station. Bustling - but not overly busy - there were plentiful supplies, while the servers were unfailingly helpful, friendly and efficient in clearing tables and topping-up. Next, came our scheduled meeting with the concierge, who advised us to download the Palace Resorts App in order to secure our forthcoming evening dining reservations at the à la carte restaurants. Sound advice. But the overriding purpose of Karina’s meeting was to invite us to a 90-minute ‘sales presentation’ to hear all about the benefits and virtues of becoming a member of the Palace Resorts elite. In return, we were offered a cash ‘gift’ - equivalent to the cost of our hotel-booked tour to Chichen Itza – to attend with no obligation whatsoever to sign-up for anything. We were fortunate to secure dinner reservations at all of the other restaurants. Each was absolutely top-drawer with fantastic food and great service. Momo (Asian) and Madre Mia (Latin America) plus the intimate Lahná (Mayan tasting menu) ticked all boxes. Likewise, the entertaining Teppanyaki experience in Momo with the magical Mexican chef, Mario was another fantastic experience. The hotel coffee shop with its great brews, pastries/savouries plus ice-cream and friendly, skilled barristas is a great plus, too. Our hotel-booked Chichen Itza excursion proved a monster 12-hour expedition given our 7:00 am departure meant a one-hour drive to Cancun to pick up the tour itself from a sister hotel. Odbert the guide was friendly, funny and informative but having seen this New Wonder of the World, the day expanded into a swim in a cenote, buffet lunch (plentiful albeit average) and a whistle-stop tour of Valladolid before heading back to Cancun and finally returning to Playacar. A long, long, day. Our ‘sales presentation’ took place over breakfast with a subsequent trip to the Palace Resorts penthouse engine room. Javier the representative presented his well-rehearsed pitch in a bid to entice us into a membership investment of anything from $1.5m (Residence) to $130,000 (Elite) albeit there was the predictable ‘for one night only’ offer of around $20,000 for a package with benefits and savings across a multitude of hotel brands. To his credit – with the uncertainty of a raging war and age against us - Javier accepted our objections not to sign-up for a long-term package as did his back-up colleague Pepé during the contrived ‘exit process’. But despite all our early scepticism – as promised - the Chichen Itza excursion was, indeed, erased from our final invoice. It does, however, explain why those Big Burrito members get first dibs on the sun-beds without have to rise early and do a POTUS on whatever sun-bed their fancy. Elsewhere, the evening bar simply does not have the capacity to deal with the volume of people, chatting away in an impersonal, industrial, echoing, cavernous environment. Only the chosen few manage to secure the comfy seats and tables, while the overspill results in guests sitting at the desks and chairs normally occupied by the concierge and excursion staff during office hours. Far from conducive for a relaxing nightcap ahead of the dawn race for that off-limits sun-bed. Elsewhere, the generous-looking US$500 ‘Resort Credit’ is no more than a smoke and mirrors illusion. This can only be spent on a small selection of over-inflated goods, tightly cornered into the resort shop – beach bags, hats, sunglasses etc. These attract a 16% sales tax, which is arguably around their actual value. Just Google/EBay the retail prices of the cleverly-branded ‘Amaini’ resort goods. It says everything, when the sales assistant does not even ask for a room number to reduce the balance. There is a US$100 limit on an extortionate spa plus a limited list of excursions, many with surcharges. All that glisters definitely is not gold. Check-out was equally smooth but shaping to leave, we were accosted by yet another concierge undertaking a ‘quick departure survey’ before inevitably offering another one of those ‘once in a lifetime’ deals for a holiday to be taken within the next three years. To you, Sir, only US$299 for the discount code. So, climbing off the Playacar Palace’s right royal rollercoaster at the end of a mixed journey, the highs were the magnificent meals at the first-class restaurants, friendly and efficient staff and safe location but – beware - you also need to ride the lows of washed-away, sea-weed riddled beach, a sun-rise, sun-bed scramble and that constant sales pitch which continues into the ‘in box’ long after one arrives home. On the whole, an enjoyable stay but would not return, albeit those email offers still keep on coming...
